Fix You
by osheaa
Summary: (This is a sequel of Exit Song.) Ian, Wanda and the rest of the humans has moved in with Nate's clan after being found by the Seekers. They have welcomed a new Native Soul to stay with them, Reader, who used to be a Seeker. Ian has had bad enough experience with Seekers, and he is determined that Reader has to be killed.
1. Distrust

**I don't own The Host. Stephenie Meyer does.**

**This is the last part of a trilogy, the sequel of In Pieces and Exit Song, so if you haven't read those yet, I recommend you go do that first :) **

1. Distrust

**Ian's POV**

The man that is lying only a few feet away from me closed his eyes hours ago. He lies on the side, with his head turned to the room, facing me.

I've been sitting up all night, my back against the wall, and stared at this man. They call him Reader. I call him just another Seeker. One of the worst kinds.

How can they trust him? How can they let him sleep in here with the rest of us? They suggested that I should sleep in another cabin, but I have to stay with Wanda. She refuses to leave Reader alone with the humans. Just in case. But for me, they all seem to like him very much. They are glad to have him on the team.

They have to open their eyes. This man gave me over to that Seeker. Knocked me out, and tied me down. And I found myself waking up in the same room as Seeker Thomas had me in. There were still stains of dry blood from my last time on the floor.

Reader just left me there, even though he'd planned to save us all. He left me with another Seeker that would torture me. And that Seeker did just about the same things as Seeker Thomas. He stabbed, burned, hit and pounded me down. Time after time. But there were more. Water, electricity, bleach, dehydration, starvation and so on. Sometimes I didn't even know what he was doing. He could go on for so _long_. I don't even think he slept. He was always in the room. At least when I was awake.

Reader will do it again. Hand us over to the Seekers, stand by and watch as they slaughter us. My family.

He begins to slowly move in his bed. He turns over, and now I can only see his dark, greasy hair. I gaze down on the floor. I know what's under the bed. I put it there just yesterday. It may be small, but it's sharp enough to do terrible damage to Readers body. Just damage. Just pain. That's what I want for him. He'd only be lucky to get killed.

I don't even need to think about it twice. I bend over, try to hold back a painful groan that's building up as I feel my wounds are tearing up again, and reach my hand under the bed.

"What are you doing?" Wanda's sudden whisper makes me jump, and I jerk so hard that I fall over and land on the floor with a _bang_.

"Ouch," I groan while trying to find out which way is up. I stop for a moment to hear if I woke anyone with my noisy fall, but all I can hear is heavy breathing and soundless dreaming.

"Are you okay?" Wanda whispers and try to help me up in the bed again.

"Yeah. I just thought that I... saw something," I say and drag myself up in bed and lay down next to her. It makes me uncomfortable to lie down. Makes me feel weak. Now he can attack _me _easily. I turn around so I can look into Wanda's eyes. The silvery circles aren't as clear as they are in daylight now. They don't glow or anything at all. It looks like proper irises. But to me her eyes glow all the time, which I find beautiful.

"You know, I really think you should let Doc heal you," Wanda says and brushes her fingertips carefully over my bruised jaw. "I can't stand seeing you like this."

"What, am I that ugly?" I laugh.

"You know what I mean," she says and smiles. "You wouldn't have to walk around in agony all the time."

"With _our _medicines, or _theirs_?" I mutter. The only soul in the universe I can stand, is the girl I love. Everything else, I hate. Maybe not Burns, he's all right. But everything else that revolves around the souls.

She doesn't answer my question, just sighs resigned.

"Are you having trouble sleeping?" She asks and moves her hand up higher, touches my cheek.

I don't answer her. Because I really don't know. I haven't really _tried _to sleep. But when she mentions it... "It gets worse," I admit and look away. Ever since we came here, I've still had nightmares. Now they are kind of a mix-up between my last "visit" to the Seekers, and my first. Instead of ripping a body part off, I'm simply left on the floor to bleed out. The dreams feel endless, and they are horrible. I just lay there, in every single dream, trying to find a way to get out of the misery.

"Tell me," Wanda says, breaking off my thoughts. She can see that I'm thinking this through. She wants me to tell her what's going on inside of my head. All the time. She just keeps asking whenever I blank out, or even just stare at something for a long time. I've told her it's no big deal, but she says I need to talk about it.

"It's like I'm getting heavier," I say, trying to find the right words to describe the dreams. "It starts off very light and soft. Like fine sand. I feel the warm, soft sand everywhere. On my skin, in my hands, in my throat... Then everything slowly turns darker and heavier, and the sand is replaced with stone, and then it goes on til I've frozen... You know, into stone."

I glance down at her to read her expression, but she only looks like she is listening to me. She is being a great listener.

"I know it sounds stupid," I say.

"No," she says and strokes my cheek softly.

"At least I don't wake up screaming anymore," I laugh quietly and shrug. Wanda's expression is still serious.

"Go back to sleep, now," I say and kiss her on the forehead. She pulls herself closer to me and lay her head on my chest, reaching her hands carefully over to my shoulder.

"Is this okay?" She asks.

"It's perfect," I murmur and pull her even closer, ignoring the slight pain I feel in my ribbons. I stroke some hair away from her face, and she looks up, looks straight into my eyes. She is close enough that I can lean my head forward and kiss her, but I don't dare to tempt fate. I know I will feel a lot more than pain if I lean my body forward like that, so instead, I smile at her, and don't take my eyes away until she closes them.

I don't want to sleep. I'm not going to. I'd rather stay awake til I pass out. I just don't feel safe around Reader. So I lay my head to the side and keep watch of him, just to be sure. But after a while, my eyes begin to feel heavy. I shake my head, trying to keep myself awake. But I feel myself drifting away...

I carefully lay Wanda over to the side in the bed, slowly pushing her away from my chest. It aches when she isn't there anymore.  
Slowly, without a sound, I crawl out of bed and walk over to the door. I put on an extra jacket in case it's cold outside.


	2. Worried

2. Worried

**Wanda's POV**

We found Ian in the meadow, half a mile outside the colony. He was all crawled up into a ball, sleeping with a rifle in his arms. Nate thought that he'd might have been sleep walking, but I knew better.

I stare at him from the kitchen. He is sitting on a table with Lily, Aaron, Melanie and Jared. Sometimes he smiles of the jokes that are being told under breakfast, other times he just blacks out and stares at the floor. He doesn't snap back until someone talks directly to him.

Right now he is laughing of something, smiling and is eating his breakfast. But I see how he keeps looking over to Reader's table. I know what he did last night. And I also know what he wanted to do. I put down the knife I'm cutting vegetables with. The same knife Ian had hidden under our bed.

"Ian," I say when he lays his bowl in the sink after breakfast. He turns around and looks at me. I have his full attention.

"Come on," I say and take his hand and lead him out of the cabin. We call it the food-cabin. It's where the kitchen, dining-room, the storage room, and the basement where Nate makes his homemade beer is in. All the food in one place.

"Where are we going?" He asks while we walk across the garden, past the main cabin, and the last seven sleeping-cabins. I lead him out into the woods. I don't stop until we are about a hundred yards away from the colony. No one can hear us now. "Why are you being so dramatic?" He asks with a slight grim on his lips.

"Are you planning to kill Reader?" I ask, jumping over the introduction and goes straight to the point.

"What?"

"Are you?"

"I-" he says, stopping for a moment. "No. Of course not. Why do you think that?"

"Because it is pretty obvious," I say.

"Then how come no one else said anything to me?"

"It's obvious to me. I can see how you've been acting around Reader ever since you got in the car with him. And what were you planning to do with that knife, Ian? Use Reader's face to cut carrots on?"

He doesn't say a word. He is still a little taken aback by my direct question. But then his surprised expression fades away, leaving him with no expression at all.

"I don't want him near me, or you, or anyone else," he says emotionless and turns around and begins to walk back.

"Now whose being dramatic," I mutter to myself, but regret it at once. I know how Ian feels about Reader staying here. I know he has a hard time being around him. Still, he is forcing himself to sleep in the same room as Reader every night. Brandt can't sleep in the same room, and Reader never hurt Brandt.

Reader _saved _us. If it wasn't for him, we would have been dead. Every single one of us. Even the humans that wasn't captured, because Reader had managed to threaten Brandt to talk. To tell him where we lived. Luckily, Reader only needed that information for our escape. And I'm forever grateful for that.

* * *

"And that's how she saved me!" Jamie says and gives me a great smile. He has been telling stories about his experience in the caves all night, and people have gathered around to listen to him. Aaron is sitting in the corner, almost falling asleep, because he has heard the same stories over and over again. Jamie never gets tired of telling them, not even to the ones who were there when it happened.

"And you though she escaped..." Jared says, laughing at the memory.

"Jeb didn't," Jamie says, and a sudden silence occurs. Jeb never got to see this place. The last thing he saw was me and Ian standing in shock, like statues, as the Seekers found us hidden on a motel with Sunny. She betrayed us. If she didn't tell the Seekers where we were, Jeb would still be alive.

Jamie's face goes from happy to sad for a moment, but then he babbles on about how they found me a new body, and people seem somehow interested in what he is saying. Everyone except Aaron. And Ian.

He hasn't said a word all night. We have talked after I confronted him about Reader, and he isn't mad at me or anything. At least I don't think so. He just seems so... lost.

He is sitting with his arm around my shoulders, with a bottle of Nate's homemade beer in his hand. He has been sitting in the same position for over an hour. He hasn't drunk anything, just let the bottle rest in his hand.

Just then, the bottle slips out of his fingers and shatters to the floor, drops of beer splashing on his shoes.

He jumps back a bit, but then he just gazes down at the floor where the bottle is lying in pieces.

I stare at him, frowning.

"Here," Reader says and comes over with a broom and begins to sweep the pieces over to a sweeping board.

"Thanks," I say and reach my hand out to the biggest pieces of glass on the floor to pick them up.

"Be careful, those are sharp," he says.

I look up at Ian who is still sitting on the same spot, with his eyes just as empty as before. But then I notice he is clenching his fists, and tightening his jaw.

And the whole scene changes drastically.

Ian throws himself over Reader, tackles him to the floor right next to the last pieces of glass that's laying around. He is holding him down with his own weight, keeping Readers arms still by leaning his knees on them.

Reader's eyes are wide, staring terrified up at Ian's furious face, and then he glances over to the sharp object Ian is holding in his hands.

Ian presses the piece of glass to Reader's throat. "Who the hell are you to say that?" Ian hisses. "Where were you when that glass was stabbed through my back? Huh? Where were you?!" He is shouting to him now.

Before anything else happens, Jared throws himself over Ian, and manage to pull him away from Reader, who is still lying on the floor in shock.

"Oh my God, are you all right?" I say and help him up from the floor, but he sits down in the couch as soon as he gets up, and touches his neck carefully with a shivering hand.

"Get the fuck off!" Ian screams behind me. "Get away!"

"Then calm down," Jared tries to sound calm, but his voice cracks while he's struggling to hold on to Ian. The people inside the room has backed up, given space to Jared and Ian. No one expected Ian to attack Reader. Melanie is pushing Jamie behind herself. She doesn't want her little brother to see this. He doesn't protest.

"Please," Ian begs hysteric with a cracking voice, as well.

"Let him go," I say as I turn around to see Ian's painful expression. I look down at the man who is hopelessly trying to break out of

Jared's tight grip, cringing and groaning in pain. It's his body that hurts.

I can also see the fear in his eyes. The anger, the sadness, the pain. I hate seeing him like this. Seeing him losing himself.

Jared hesitates for a second, but the moment he releases Ian's arms, Ian hurries out the door and doesn't bother closing it.  
I start walking towards the door, but Melanie stops me.

"I think you should leave him alone for a while," she says. "He needs it."

I stare out the door, but realize that she is right. He doesn't want to talk. He just wants to find some place to be completely alone.

"He isn't Ian anymore," I say. "I'm worried," I almost whisper.

"Who isn't?" She mumbles and looks out the door, too.

"Something needs to be done," Nate determines, walking back and forth in fury.

"I never wanted..." Reader says, but he doesn't finish the sentence. Instead he presses the towel to his neck again.

"We should never have let you in here in the first place," Brandt spits and gives Reader a hard look. "Believe me when I say it," he continues. "Ian is not the only one who has a problem with a Seeker staying here."

"Oh, cut it out, Brandt. He has proven that he is not a Seeker anymore," Lily says. Against all odds, Lily is the one human that has been most welcoming to Reader. Even after my Seeker killed Wes.

"One does not simply stop being a Seeker," Brandt says.

"Then explain why he saved your ass then!" Lily says angry, lifts her hands up like she has proven something.

Brandt doesn't say anything, he just crosses his arms.

"Ian is not safe to be around. Who know? Maybe he'll attack one of us someday, too," Trudy says. She is the most annoying one when it comes to opinions. She always has to attack Ian. She doesn't like Ian very much, but Ian doesn't much like her either. Maybe her opinion doesn't have a say at all.

"I agree," Lacey says. I take it back. _Lacey _is the most annoying one. "And I'm sure he'll attack me, too. Even though it was only my _body _that used to be a Seeker."

"No he's not," Melanie says.

"Right!" Jamie says, sticking with his sister.

The others keep arguing in small groups, giving their opinion about Ian and bout Reader. Who gets to stay, and who should be locked down. I don't want to listen to them. I'm just so worried for Ian.

"Wanda, are you okay?" Nate suddenly asks and comes over to me. I'm still standing by the door, looking out to see if Ian is coming back any time soon. But he doesn't.

"He's hurting so bad," I mumble.

"We'll find him," Nate assures me. "We're not going to give up on him, no matter what these brain dead fools are saying. He is staying."


	3. Flashbacks

**Warning; This chapter is very violent**

3. Flashbacks

**Ian's POV**

There is so much pain at once. My body aches again, after my sudden attack on Reader just a few seconds ago. But that isn't the pain that hurts the most. There are painful thoughts. Big, painful memories that are all floating to the front row in my mind. It's like I'm still there.

The fear I feel for the Seekers. The weakness I feel for fearing them. It feels like I can't breathe. I'm gasping for air while leaning towards a tree, struggling to stay on my feet. I'm gasping, crying and making strange noises that's suppose to be some kind of a scream.

I don't know what to do. And I don't know who I am anymore.

_I am Ian O'Shea. I am human. _

I slide down, fall to my knees and lay my head in my hands.

_I am broken._

My body is shaking now. The Seeker's face tears itself to the back of my eyes. He is grinning, laughing at me. I can see him so clearly. His fists are soaked with blood. My blood.

_I am Ian O'Shea. I was tortured. _

"Stop," I cry while leaning down, slowly falling forward. I hit the ground, and don't feel the pain that's suppose to be raging through my body. From all the wounds, all the broken bones, all the bruises and all the burns. The things that is going on in my mind is taking over. Overwhelming me. Bringing me down. Crushing me to the ground.

_Get yourself together. This is just the begging,_ the Seeker's voice echoes through my mind. _This is the rest of your life. _His voice is calm. My screaming isn't. My desperate screaming. _Lay down. Stop crying. Shut up. It's no use screaming for help, Ian. No one hears you. _I cover my ears in a hopeless attempt of shutting his voice out, but it's all inside of my head. And I can't get it out, no matter how hard I try.

_I am weak._

_Good. You're awake. _It's getting louder._ What are you screaming for? _The image changes in my head, and this time, he isn't saying anything. It is the things he _does_.

_He is kicking me over and over again while I lay down, wriggling in pain, trying to get away. I crawl away from him, crawl on the ground. If I could only stand up and run towards the exit, I would actually have a chance of getting away. Maybe he doesn't lock the door. But he doesn't have to. But I am chained on my hands and feet. I'm helpless._

_Each time I get close to the door, he grabs my legs and pull me back into the corner, turns me over and begin punching me in the face. Then I black out for a while, only to wake up a moment later, with my head under water. His hand holding me down, until I begin gasping in water. He drags me out, and before I can inhale, he pushes me back under. This time it feels like my whole body is being burned up, torn apart. He is holding me down with one hand, holding an iron under with his other. The electrocution will not be enough to kill me. Even though I wish it would._

_I feel the water going down my throat, filling my lungs, and then he drags me out by my hair and throw me down on the floor. _

_I struggle to get the water out of my lungs. Finally, I manage to get it out, and water is shooting up in the air and back down in my face. I feel my throat burning. I close my eyes, hoping that I can fool him to think that I'm unconscious. But he isn't easily fooled. He gives me a light slap over my left cheek, followed by a powerful punch over my right. I feel the taste of blood in my mouth. It's like it's floating over. I let my head fall slack, open my mouth and let the blood stream out by itself. Then the Seeker knocks me out once again._

I close my eyes even tighter, press my hands over my ears even harder. I am awake. Why do I have nightmares when I'm awake?

_It doesn't feel like I've been gone for a long time when I wake up, but the Seeker has had enough time to chain me to the walls. It feels like I've been hanging like this for a long time. My legs are numb._

_It's never ending. Never. Ending. "Please," I cry with a cracked voice. "Stop."_

They're not nightmares. They're memories.

_The Seeker slides out of the darkness with a long, sharp object in his hand. As he gets closer, I figure that it's broken glass he is holding. "Oh, I'm far from done," he says._

_He reaches his other hand out, place two fingers under my chin and lift my head up. He wants to look me in the eyes while he does it. So I close my eyes in protest._

_It's unbearable. He stabs me in the stomach one more time, not too deep, but enough to hurt like hell. My eyes flash open in pain, and I'm are staring right at his satisfied smile._

_He slice the surface of the skin on my chest. Then he punches me in the stomach, right over the wound. Hits me in the face. Carve on my arm._

_The blood streams down from my arms that's hanging above my head, and it burns when I get blood in my eyes._

_"Kill me," I beg._

I cringe. The memories keep coming at me. It's all the same. Pain, suffer, torture. I don't understand why he would do that. He never forced me to answer his questions. He never asked me about our hiding place. Not even once. He didn't want information, he wanted to see me in as much pain as he could. He won.

_We're going to be fine_, Wanda's voice echoes in my head, her face popping up. She is holding my hand. _I promise._

"I'm not fine," I whisper.

* * *

**Wanda's POV**

It's gotten dark outside, and I'm still standing on the porch, waiting for Ian to come back. Jared, Aaron, Brandt and Andy has gone looking for him. I wanted to come, but they told me to stay here in case he showed up.

Reader is in the infirmary. Not because Ian hurt him, because the cut on his throat is not deep. But we want to keep Reader and Ian as far away from each other as possible.

I didn't know Ian felt _that _way about Reader staying here. I knew he was angry with him, and hated him for being what he is. But I didn't know he feared him. Not like that. Not so intense.

Someone coughs silently behind me, and I jump a little. But then I turn around and find myself looking up at Ian. He looks terrible. His pale skin is a big contrast to his purple, shivering lips. His eyes are red.

"I don't know what to do anymore," he says with a shaking voice that breaks my heart. I take a step closer to him, and lay my arms around his neck as carefully as I can, standing on my tiptoes so I can pull myself close to him without taking it out on his broken body.

"I'll get you through this, Ian," I promise him. The words only come out as a whisper, but he hears me.

He put his arms around me, as well, and let his head rest on my shoulder. His whole body jumps each time he lets out a silent sob.


	4. Forced

4. Forced

**Ian's POV**

It's been over two weeks since my breakdown, but people are still gazing at me from time to time, and looks away quickly when we make eye contact. No one ever talks to me, except Wanda and Melanie and Jared. Sometimes Nate and Brandt. The others seem to be afraid to say something wrong, something that will make me snap. And I barely see Reader. It's a good thing, of course, but I want to know where he is from time to time. I feel better when I know where he is. But we don't sleep in the same cabin, anymore. I don't even know where he sleeps. And his day is scheduled so he won't be in the same room as me. When I eat breakfast, he is probably still sleeping. When he eats breakfast, I'm already getting some work done. Like chopping wood or something.

But I am looking for him. All the time. When I get a glimpse of him, there is always someone around that is trying to distract me so I won't run over to Reader and knock him down. At least that's what they think I would do. But really, I just want to keep an eye on him.

Right now, in this moment, I am staring at him. For the first time in two weeks we are in the same room on purpose. With different tasks, but still... He is in the dining-room, with a bowl of soup that I made in front of him. He looks uncomfortable. He knows that I'm looking at him, watching his every move. He doesn't seem to have much of an appetite right now, either. Maybe he thinks I've poisoned his soup.

"Ian, can you go get more rice? From the storage room. We're out," Wanda says, stroking my arms to get my attention.

"Sure," I say and move my gaze over to Wanda and give her my biggest smile. Pretending. I'm very good at it.

I walk over to the stairs, down to the basement, past the room that is filled with barrels of homemade beer, and open the door to the storage.

I'm shivering, and I don't know whether it's because it's so cold down here, or if it's because of the fact that I can't find the switch to the lights.

Then someone pushes me inside the storage, shuts the door and turn on the lights. I'm starting to freak out, and when I turn around I get absolutely horrified. Reader is standing in the room. With a fast movement, he locks the door and pushes the key under the door.

Now there is no way to get out of here. I'm trapped inside a tiny room with a Seeker. A well-known feeling.

I am so shocked that I can't move, I just stare at him. My body is locked in one position, and it seems like Reader is just as frozen as I am. But then he takes a step closer, and raises his hands. I flinch away quickly, stumble over a box with flavor and fall down on the floor. I raise my hands, too, to protect my face for the possible beating he is about to give me.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he says in a calm voice, taking another step towards me.

"Stay where you are!" I warn and cringe back to the corner.

"I just want to talk to you, that's all," he says, takes a few steps back and slid down to the floor, as well.

I stare over to the Seeker that's sitting in the other side of this very tiny room. I'm considering throwing myself over him, throw him at the door and hope that it rattles up. But I'm too freaked out. My hands are still halfway up in the air. Like I'm being blinded by the sun.

"I'm sorry I waited for so long," Reader finally says and exhales resigned. He looks down on his hands, starts plucking on his nails.

"For this?" I ask.

"No... for saving you."

"When?" I ask and begin to slowly lower my hands."When did you decide to... _save _us?" I found it hard to use the word 'save'. But that was what he did, right? He saved us. But still... In my case, he was too late.

He clears his throat, and looks up and down several times, like he doesn't dare looking straight into my eyes. Is it the bruises? They are barely there now, and he still can't look at me.

"My host used to be a very self-sacrificing person," he begins.

"Look, I don't want your whole life story," I snap and gaze irritated at him. He doesn't say anything for another minute. He just keeps plucking on his nails. Why does he seem so scared of _me_?

"I just couldn't stand what they were doing to you," he says. "From the start, I mean. They shot that poor man and-"

"Jeb. His name was Jeb. He was like a father to all of us," I mutter.

"If I could have, I would've stopped them," he says.

"You're a _Seeker_. Of course you wouldn't. And I know why you are here."

"What?"

I roll my eyes again. "Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. You should be dead now. You are a _threat _to us," I say, and stand up. He looks up at me, with his mouth wide open, as well as his eyes. It looks like they are going to pop out.

"Hello?!" I shout and knock on the door. "Wanda? Open up, I'm down here!" I keep yelling for someone, with a scared Seeker sitting in the corner behind me.

"Why won't you just kill me now, then?" He says, and I hear him standing up behind me. "Cut my throat, choke me, beat me to death. You have a chance to do it now, so why don't you?"

I hate him. Hate him. Hate him. Hate him. He should die. He _must _die. I would be doing everyone a favor if I just killed him.

"Go on, then!" He hisses, shouting at me. I wheel around, grab him around the neck in one, fast movement, and push him up against the shelves, which almost breaks under the sudden pressure. He is silent as a mouse, but he stares at me like he is screaming.

"This ends now," I mutter and squeeze his neck in my hands as hard as I can. He is struggling in my grip, hopelessly trying to get away by clawing at my hands. I watch as his face turns blue...

Then a memory flashes in front of my eyes. I couldn't see her face, but I imagined that it was just as blue as Reader's face is now. She was clawing at my hands, desperately trying to get away.

The door behind me opens up slowly.

"Ian!" Wanda yells frightened and I feel her arms embracing me, dragging me backwards. But I don't move. Instead, I smack Reader's head towards the wall, let's go of his neck and watch as he falls down on the floor.

"What the hell is going on down here?" Jared calls while I hear him running down the stairs. He is not alone.

"Ian..." Wanda cries and falls down on her knees next to Reader, who is lying unconscious on the floor. There is blood streaming down from his forehead, where he hit the wall.

Jared comes in with Brandt right behind.

I back up, stop when I crash into the shelves myself, and look down on my hands. They are shaking. I realize what I have done.

"Is he dead?" Jared asks in shock, his eyes going back and forth between Reader, Wanda and me.

"No... just unconscious," she says and looks up at me. "I thought..." She says, but she can't finish.

I know what she thought. That I'd magically had accepted the fact that a Seeker is staying here. Well, I thought she knew better.

I almost sprint out the room, pushing Jared and Brandt out of my way. I don't want to be here anymore. They can stay down here with their precious Seeker. But I'm not giving up. Reader will be dead soon, one way or another. And I will personally make sure that it will be done.


	5. Left

5. Left

**Wanda's POV**

"He is dangerous, Wanda! Can't you see that?" Ian hisses. He is hopelessly trying to convince me. He is close to giving up.

"You need to stop," I say. "Everyone but you accepts Reader's presence. Even Brandt does, and he wasn't much of a fan of him either."

"Well, no one laid a fucking finger on Brandt. I have scars all over my God damn body to prove that they did just the opposite to me," he shouts. "There are even scars in my mind._ I can't get it out_." He spits out each word.

I don't answer him. I find it hard to find the right words to say when he talks about that. He never really does it unless I ask him to.

"Can't we just vote over this?" He suggests. "I'm sure I'm not the only one who doesn't want him here. Or the only one who knows better. There must be someone."

"Ian-"

"He. Is. A. _Seeker_."

"Please, just-"

"And we don't allow Seekers. It's his job, Wanda, to _hunt _us down and make sure we're either destroyed, or-"

"Ian!" I cut him off this time, shouting at him to get his attention. "Just leave it, okay? Reader isn't a Seeker anymore. He is a Native soul, just like Burns, and just like me. And I would appreciate it if you just _tried _to accept that."

He didn't say anything for a while. He just stared at me. Was he trying to convince me with his staring? Really?

But then he finally cleared his throat and blinked. "I need to get out of here," he says. "Go hiking, go for a long ride on the road, or a... a raid."

"A raid? Ian, I thought you didn't-"

"I don't. But I can't stand being here with that Seeker. I need to... Run away for a while..."

"All right," I say. Maybe it would be good for him. For all of us. Reader can finally sleep with both of his eyes closed. "I'll tell Nate."

He nods and turns, walking towards the cabin we sleep in.

"Don't you want to come?" I call, but he doesn't answer.

I found Nate down in the basement, cleaning up after Ian's attempted murder. He managed to destroy three shelves, and the flavor, sugar, rice – everything – has drowned in a pound of beer on the floor. I step in glass on my way over to Nate, and he turns around quickly when he hears the sound.

"Oh," he says and breathes relieved out. "Wanda. Is Ian..."

"No, he is packing, I think," I answer and glance over at the remaining. There is not much, and it won't last for too long.

He frowns. "Packing?"

"Yes. He is going on a raid. To keep some distance."

"Oh," he says. "Well, then he has a big job in front of him." He points at the mess of flavor mixed with beer.

"He's not going alone," I say. "Maybe Jared can come, too. And I'll come."

"Yeah, I've got some from my own that is pretty good on raids."

"Okay, tell them to meet us upstairs," I say and carefully walk out of the glass I'm standing in.

* * *

"Ian?" I call when I walk into a completely empty sleeping-cabin. The lights are out, the bed is made, and the only sign the someone actually sleeps in our bed, is my clothes hanging on a chair beside it. My clothes. Not Ian's.

A piece of paper is lying on the floor, like it has fallen. I pick I up and unfold the note. I know what it will say before I read it myself. But the hope that I'd might be wrong is still flashing through me. But the hope's gone.

_I'll be back. Don't worry. I love you.  
- Ian.  
_  
**Ian's POV**

I'm running towards the van that's standing right in between the two other cars.

Are they following me? Or is Reader following me? Here's _his _chance of killing _me_. It's dark, and I'm all alone. I've never been scared of the dark. I've been scared of what might hide in it.

I'm shaking when I unlock the car, and I can't get the door open fast enough, let alone closing it fast enough. He could jump right in, attack me. He could strangle me to death, or knock me out and put me in the trunk. Turn me into one of them... No. They've tried that already, and it didn't work. He would probably just kill me.

I find myself pulling the door towards me, even though I've already closed it. I shake my head and start the engine.

I keep looking in the rear window, for any sign of movement. I don't relax until I've driven for about fifteen minutes. But then I get on the highway, and every time I pass another car, all I can think of is if they know who I am. If they're going to turn me in. Or just do the dirty work themselves.

What have I become? I'm running away from my fears, just to run right into an even greater fear. Why am I doing this? How can I be so selfish?

But I want him _dead_. If I stayed, I'd probably kill him. Wanda would fear me. She wouldn't love me anymore. I _have _to leave. With me around, everything is wrong. Every single person in the colony is better off without me, so it would actually be selfish to stay.

She'll forgive me. And hopefully she'll forget me.


	6. Alone

6. Alone

**Wanda's POV**

I'm lying on Ian's side of the bed tonight. Lying with my head on his pillow, with one of his shirts in my hands. I just love the smell. When I close my eyes, it feels like he is still here. So I try to keep them closed, while trying to fall asleep. But I'm too worried. He has left us. Left me. Gone away to who knows where, completely alone. If he is going to be gone for a long time, he'll have to face the Souls. If he is going to survive. He'll have to go into a store and get some food. He'll have to stop by the gas station to fill the tank. He'll have to check into a motel to rest, because there is no way he'll fit his whole body in the car. The way he stretches out when he sleeps...

The note Ian left me is lying on my side of the bed. I've lost count of how many times I've reread it. He can't be gone. I need him here. By my side.

"Wanda," someone shouts. Nate comes into the room, with a small device in his hand. I raise a eyebrow. "Call him."

**Ian's POV**

"Hello," the salesman says and smiles to me. I nod back and lay the groceries on the desk. I'm starving. I haven't eaten since I left. Haven't dared to walk among the Souls."It's pretty dark outside for sunglasses, don't you think?" The soul says.

"Um... I have a headache," I say, my voice unsteady.

"Oh, is the light in here too bright? Do you want me to turn it down?" His voice is full of concern and care. Some of the Souls are still somewhat peaceful, at least. I glance out the window behind the salesman, but my eyes stop at something way more scary than the darkness.

They've still got the pictures of me. The ones Conifer arranged so someone would come get me when the Seekers had me the first time. It's not the picture where I'm bruised and bloody, it's the one they took after they were clever enough to heal me. That way, the Souls wouldn't feel bad for me.

"Are you okay?" The salesman says and I snap back. How many times has he seen that picture? It's probably been hanging on that wall ever since it was taken. This Soul have seen it a thousand times.

"No, it's fine," I say.

"You should let a Healer take care of that," he says while putting the groceries in a paper bag. "I can give you a lift to the healing center if you'd like."

"No, I'll be fine," I say.

"I insist," he says and walks around the counter, towards me.

"I really have to get going," I say. I glance down at his hands. The salesman carries a phone in his hand. He is calling someone. When I look up I figure that the Soul knows what my expression means. I'm terrified. The Seekers will be here any moment. I do what my instincts tell me to do; I pound him down, take the groceries, and I run.

When I finally throw myself back in the van, I'm breathing heavily. And shaking so much that I can barely start the engine. After trying to reach for the key a few times, I finally get a grip of it and turn it around. To my relief, the engine starts at first try. I drive towards the highway. Away from this city.

Then I hear a ringing coming from somewhere under my seat. I jump back when I hear it, but then I quickly begin to search underneath my seat while trying to stay on the road, and pick up the vibrating little thing I find. Has this been here all along? Maybe that is how Nate communicate with his clan when they are on raids. Quite clever, but still quite stupid. Seekers could track them if they found out that they were human.

I answer it anyway.

"Hello?" I mumble quietly and hold the phone to my ear.

"Ian!" Someone says relieved in the other end.

I hang up at once. It was Wanda. I've left her a note, that should be enough. She knows everything she needs to know. Or can bear to know. Lies aren't as easy to reveal when it's written on paper. Everything is believable if it's black on white.

It tears me apart. Everything I do. I can barely sleep, and barely eat. And every time I touch Wanda, every time I look into her eyes, I know I can't stay with her. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone that loves her enough to protect _her_. Not the other way around. She deserves someone that will make her feel safe, not worried. Someone that can keep himself together, instead of running away every time something bad happens. Someone stronger.

Wanda is the only thing that keeps me going. But now that I've left her, I don't know what I'm living for. Survival can go fuck itself, it's never on my side anyway.

I drive past a sign, and it says that I'm only ten miles away from the town I grew up. That's where I'm going. It's where I was born, where I grew up. It was where Kyle and I used to play in the woods, swim in the lake. But it was also the place where our parents were taken from us. The beginning and the end. I've been through it all. Now it will end.


	7. Jump

7. Jump

**Wanda's POV**

"He is seriously overreacting. Big time," Lacey says and rolls her eyes. She has been annoyed about Ian ever since... ever. But I've been annoyed about her even before I knew her.

"You have no idea what he's been through," Melanie spits.

"Of course I know what he's been through. I just think it's time for him to get over it," she spits back.

Melanie shouts something back, but I can't understand what she is saying. Others are coming with their own opinions. To my relief, it doesn't seem like anyone agrees with Lacey. But that is the only sign of positivity for me right now. Ian doesn't pick up the phone when I call, and I start to think that he'd might have thrown it away. I just want to know if he's okay. And I need to tell him that I want him to come back.

"Wanda," Nate says comes over to me. "Ian is on the phone."

I stare at him, and down at the phone he is holding. "_Ian _called?" I say and grab the phone.

"Yeah," Nate says. "I'll leave you to it."

**Ian's POV**

"Wanda..." I sob, pressing the phone to my ear.

I hear a relieved sigh in the other line. "Ian! Finally you called. Please come home. I've been so worried..." She keeps talking. I listen to her voice, every word she says. But I don't understand them. It's all so meaningless.

I balance my weight on the railings while I hold the phone in one hand, wipe my tears with the other. I don't know why I'm crying right now. This is a choice. I can back out any time. But I won't.

"Where are you? Are you coming home?" She asks.

"I'm so sorry..." I say, but my voice breaks. I look down to the water. It's far down there. It would feel just like flying. Then I'd probably get very cold. And my breath would be knocked out of my lungs. Not a Soul would find me. I'd drift away, where no one could find me. Or maybe I would sink.

"It's okay. You can come home now," Wanda assures me.

"Wanda," I say, partly sobbing, partly whispering because of my lack of a steady voice. "I won't come back."

There is silence in the other line.

"Don't wait for me," I add.

Her breathing is shaking. She is trying to control herself. "What's going on, Ian? You're scaring me."

"They ruined me. It's like I'm already discarded, you know. I'm dead."

"Oh my God," I hear her say to herself. She begins to shout for Jared to come. For Melanie. For help.

"Don't come looking for me," I say. "I am so sorry."

"You can't do it," Wanda says, desperation breaking in her voice.

"Sorry," I repeat.

"Ian, no!" But I hang up.

I stare down at the water again. It's cold outside. It's dark. And I'm all alone. This is how it's been like in my head. Just like this.

The phone is getting heavy in my hand. I drop it down, watch it fly through the air, and I hear it hitting the water with a splash. But I can barely see it.

Kyle and I learned to swim down there. By our father. There was no Seekers, no pain and no fear. We were together. And we were happy. Now all that's left is me. Dad's gone. Mom's gone. Kyle's _dead._ If there is a heaven, I'm sure that Kyle is there. Can he see me now?

It feels like an exploding bullet when a pair of hands grab me around my chest and pull me back.

"_No_!" I yell while being dragged further and further away from the railings.

"I'm not gonna let you do this," the Soul says and tries to hold me still. But I shoot my elbow right in his face and manage to stand up just before he grabs my leg and makes me fall over again.

"Just relax," he says breathless while struggling to get the cap off the tiny can he is holding. I know that spray-can all too well. I know who uses it. I know what it's for.

He sprays a cloud of it in my face, and the dizziness kicks in at once. He is mumbling things to me, but I can barely hear him. He doesn't want me to be afraid, and he want's me to relax. That's what they all said before they began the torture.

I'm still trying to resist closing my eyes, still trying to fight him off. But the darkness takes control over me once again.


	8. Persuaded

8. Persuaded

**Ian's POV**

"Can you please just let me go," I whisper, afraid to seem threatening. I am in fact the enemy. But Souls doesn't have any enemies. Just friends. It surprises me that no Seekers has showed up yet. This Soul must have called someone, right?

"I'm afraid you'd might go back to that bridge," the man – Soul – says. His eyes are reflecting in the bright morning light.

I don't answer him. I have to be smart about this. Why would he drag me away from the edge? Because he thought I was a troubled Soul. But why would he help me after he found out I was human?

He's got a black eye. I barely remember what I did last night. Everything seems so foggy and far away. Like it was just a dream or something. But if it really was a dream, I wouldn't have been here. I must have hit him pretty hard, though. He can barely open his eye.

He notices that I'm staring. "Oh, don't worry about it," he says. "You were a bit lost, I think."

I sit up in the bed. I'm happy to find out that my clothes – even my shoes – are still on. It would freak me out to know that a Soul undressed me for bed. Maybe he didn't want to wake me. Maybe he was afraid I would charge him as soon as my eyes opened. Is that why he is standing in the doorway, ready to run?

"Are you hungry? Thirsty?" He asks.

I shake my head. He'll probably poison it. Make me fall asleep. Just then, my stomach makes a roaring sound.

"I'll get some in case you'll change your mind," he says and leaves. He _leaves_. I stare at the exit – the wide open door to the hallway.

I get out of the bed at once and run over to the door. But I stop just before I'm about to run out of the room.  
This is not right. I have to get my head together. Of course there is something wrong going on here. The Seekers are probably waiting on the kitchen, ready to stab me to death with a kitchen knife. Or knock me out with a pan. Burn my skin off over the oven. They are so creative, of course they would do something like that.

I wheel around and walk towards the window instead. I'm just about to find out how to open it when I hear someone coughing behind me.

"Please don't run away from me," the Soul says. I turn around, still with my hands desperately trying to find the handle to the window. "I just want to help you."

"Yeah, that's what they said right before they took my whole family," I spit back. My hands are shaking, which makes it harder to keep them steady as I keep trying to find the secret handle to this damn window.

"They open automatically." He comes closer as he speaks, trying hard to show no fear in his eyes. "Whenever the air is bad, if there is smoke in the room, steam... you name it. Why else would I open the window?"

"To jump out," I suggest and glance out. There's 30 feet down, at least.

"Well, then," he says and opens a drawer to a desk that's standing by the door. He takes out a small device, and pushes a button on it. The window doesn't make a sound as the glass slowly disappears into the windowsill.

"What are you doing?" I mutter, keeping my back against the wall.

"I suggest that you take the back door, but I guess if you're lucky you'll land in the pool. It's pretty far away, though, don't you think?" He says. I glance back down again. The pool is in the neighbors back yard.

"And what will meet me out the backdoor that won't meet me out the front door?" I ask.  
He ignores my suspicions. "The woods. If you run for a mile or so, you'll reach the city. Another mile, and you're back on that bridge."

I frown. He doesn't _look _like he wants to hurt me. But I don't trust him. It's hard to trust anyone.

"How much time do I have?" I ask. He just gives me a strange look. I roll my eyes, and explain what he already knows: "The Seekers. You've called them, I know it. When will they be here?"

"Wow," he says, shoots his hands up in front of himself like I'm pointing a gun at him. "No. No, no, no," he says.

"No, what?"

"I'm just trying to help you. I've helped a lot of your people before," he says. I'm still suspicious of him.

"What do you mean? And who the hell are you?" I ask.

"A friend. Call me Steve."

"Steve?" I say, more a doubt than a question.

He nods affirmatively. "And I'm helping all of you surviving humans. Let's just say I have sympathy for you," he says, slowly lowering his hands. "You know, this isn't the first time I've had to go through this. And it's getting pretty old. Are you hungry or not, Ian?" I jump back when I hear him saying my name.

I feel my voice shaking. "How-"

"The news. I've been looking everywhere for you, ever since they let you go." This makes me relax. I guess it makes sense. Somehow. "And then when they got you again, and Reader got you out-"

"Wait, you know... Reader?"

"Yeah. He was a little skeptical at first about this... rebellious behavior of ours. But really; we are just trying make things right again."

"Things will never be right again."

"I know. But at least we give it a try," he says and walks out the door again, heading the same way he went the last time. I'm not sure what to believe. I mean, this could be one of their tricks again. But why would he go through so much trouble just to get me in safety, and then just kill me? That wouldn't make sense.

I sit down on the bed again, anyway. For now, I'll pretend to trust him so I can get something to eat. After that... we'll see. Maybe I'll use the backdoor.


	9. Return

**Sorry I haven't been updating this, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue writing. But it seems like some of you guys like it, so here you go. I'll try to update more.**

9. Return

**Ian's POV**

I roll down the window, in a lack of things to keep myself busy, really. The soul, Steve, is sitting next to me, gripping tight around the wheel. He seems just as nervous as I am. I regretted the decision of coming with him the second we got out on the highway. I haven't felt safe around any soul besides Wanda. Ever. Then again, I'm not planning on telling him where the colony is, not exactly, though that is what he's hoping for. He wants to meet the other human rebels. He has never seen so many humans in one place at once before, said it would be a so called 'miracle' to him. But I know better than to tell him. I just needed the vehicle, and then I'll get rid of him. Throw him in the ditch or something.

"Turn left," I say as we approach a roundabout, desperately looking for a gas station, even though the colony lies many miles away. I'm taking no risks.

Finally I see a motel in the distance. "It's getting late," I say. "Maybe we should pull over and get some sleep."

"It's okay, you can sleep. I'm not tired," Steve says reassuringly and looks at his watch. The sun is still high on the sky, and we've only been driving for a couple of hours.

"I really need to go to the toilet though," I say.

Steve nods one time and pulls over to the motel. The car stops right outside the entrance to the lobby, and someone is standing behind the counter, reading a magazine. I have to be silent and quick. My palms are sweaty, and for a moment I can't figure out how to move my arms.

"Uhm, Ian?" I flinch away the second he touches my shoulder. I shoot back my arm and hit Steve's face with my elbow as hard as I can. He goes unconscious at once, falling over the wheel which makes the horn honk in one long second before I push him off the steering and over to the side. Quickly I get out of the car and over to the other side, glancing towards the man behind the counter who has put down his magazine and is now staring curiously out the window. He didn't see me hit Steve, he only heard the horn, apparently, or he'd been just as freaked out as I am now when I realize I have to get rid of Steve's unconscious body before I can get behind the wheel.

I walk calmly over to the drivers side. The second I open the door, Steve falls out of the car, face first and lands on the asphalt. I look back at the man behind the counter, and as I thought, he is now staring wide-eyed, desperately fumbling for something behind the counter.

Without any better ideas in mind, I drag Steve to the back of the car and lock him in the trunk, after struggling to lift his body up from the ground and into the car. I move as fast as I can, and now I can see that the man behind the counter is holding a phone to his ears, shouting hysterically in it, and I can just barely hear him repeat the same word: "Human, human, human".

As soon as I open the door to the drivers side, I almost jump in and step on the gas with too much strength, so much that the car almost hits the front doors to the lobby, and the man backs up, shouting for help. I hit the breaks and remember to put my car in reverse this time, shaking as I grab for the gear shift. The air gets heavier when I forget to pump the clutch, again and again, and I'm stressing to make my legs listen to me. _We have to get out of here. The seekers are coming. We have to get out of here. _When I finally get it right, I drive as fast as I can in reverse, still shaking when I'm grabbing for the gear shift again. Still no signs for the seekers. But I hit the gas and drive as fast as I can away from the motel.

I drive for hours, driving through small towns and taking the wrong turns, just in case I'm being followed. But I'm only being paranoid. By dawn I decide that it's time to drive directly back to the colony, but I'm still looking in the mirrors for threats. Whenever I meet another car, the shaking kicks in again, my heart beats faster.

What if they caught it on tape? Hidden cameras at motels, was that normal? Or maybe someone else saw me and took a picture? All these questions run through my head, and I suddenly I realize I'm pretty close to the colony, and I pull over as I get to the road that goes through the woods.

Someone runs up to the car as soon as I park next to one of the vans at the hidden parking lot outside the colony. It's Aaron, and Jared comes after with a rifle in his hands. Again, my shaking starts, but then I remember that they always have someone on guard duty out here in the woods.

"Ian?" Aaron bends down to get a closer look at me, like he can't believe I'm here. A second later, Jared opens my door and pulls me out of the car.

"What the hell were you thinking?" He almost shouts, still with the rifle in one of his hands. "Do you have any idea what you've put us through? What you've put _Wanda _through? We though you were dead!" He's shaking as well, and has clenched his hands into fists. My eyes goes wide and I suddenly remember what I have in the trunk.

"Shit," I say.

"What?" Jared asks, still furious and annoyed that I ignored his questions.

"Shit, shit, shit," I repeat and walk away from him and over to the back of the car.

"Ian, what?" Aaron - who has been standing quietly behind Jared this whole time – asks.

"Okay please don't freak out about this, I'm in control and I don't think he'll do anything-"

"_He?_" Jared asks and comes closer, followed by Aaron who looks just as lost in this as Jared.

I don't answer him, I just open the trunk and get ready for someone to attack me from any angle, but Steve is still lying unconscious on his back. The heat or the lack of air must have knocked him out again. Jared and Aaron comes even closer, and when they look down in the trunk, both of their eyes widen.

"Ian, what the hell?!" Jared shouts again.

"You brought a soul?" Aaron says.

"Is it a seeker?"

"Did you kill him?"

"No, he's not dead," I say. "I just knocked him out. I needed the car and I was supposed to get rid of him, but I must have forgotten about him, and-"

"How do you forget about someone lying in your trunk?" Jared says, still furious. "Is he a seeker?"

"I don't know, I don't think so. He says he's on our side, but he's lying, of course."

"How do you know if he's lying?" Aaron says.

"I don't," I say. "I just know it."


	10. Guilt

**Wanda's POV**

I wake up from the shouting outside my room, followed by something that hits the walls.

"You've done enough, don't you understand that?" I hear Jared shout again. I wonder what he is doing outside my bedroom, and how long he has been there. I've been very clear when I've told everyone to leave me alone, trying to remain as polite as I can. But it's like I don't care anymore.

So the next voice that raises makes my heart pound hard against my chest. "Let me through, Jared!"

"You didn't even give a shit about what you did to her!" Jared says. It feels like I'm going to explode, my head aching the harder my heart beats. I'm shaking as I try to stand up, realizing that I haven't really done anything but lying in bed since Ian hung up the phone. Since Ian supposedly died.

Except he didn't.

"Ian..." I try to shout it out over the noises, but all that comes out is a hoarse cry, barely above a whisper. I walk towards the door, trying to keep myself from falling back down as my vision dims.

Just before I reach the handle on the door, someone else pulls the handle and the doors shoots open, and there he is, more alive than I've seen him in months, standing in front of me. And my heart slowly goes back to normal speed. My shaking stops. I stop.

"Wanderer." He says. I can't do anything but stare at him, and I wonder what he thinks right now. I can see it in his eyes; worry, confusion, hurt, and guilt. I've seen it all before.

Jared is standing behind him, staring at me as well. He hasn't seen me in days. The only person I've let inside my room is Melanie. No one else got to see me like this. After a while, Jared lays one hand on Ian's shoulder, trying to lead him out."Ian-"

"Wanderer, I am so very sorry," Ian says, his voice breaking and his eyes suddenly filled with tears that he tries to blink back. "I'm so sorry," he says again and pulls away from Jared, closer to me and wraps his arms around my stiff body. I don't put my arms around him. I don't cry. He was dead. I cried over his death for so long, and now I don't even know what to think.

I don't know how long we stand like this. He doesn't say anything, the only sound that comes from him is when he sniffs, or when he breathes out so heavy that I can even hear that he is shaking. Then, abruptly, he pulls back and I can feel his eyes on me. But I stare right at his chest.

"Please, Wanda, say something," he says. When I don't answer, he tilts my chin up so we make eye contact for a split second before I turn away from him and sits back down on the bed.

He stands there for a moment, then he sits down next to me, folds his hands and stares straight ahead.

"Look, I know I've been selfish and... out of my mind, I know. But..." He stops for a second, lays his head in his hands and breaths in and out before he turns his head and looks at me. I look at him as well, and it hurts me to see him cry. After months where he has struggled with all the memories, where he cried himself to sleep not knowing that I could hear him, when he woke up screaming, couldn't eat, couldn't think clearly, couldn't do anything but trying to keep himself from falling completely apart. I was there the whole time, I should be used to see him like this by now.

He looks down, still looking for the right words to say. "I thought that you might be better off without me," he says quietly. "And that was a selfish thought. Because the truth is that I thought I was better off without myself. I just wanted it to be over, Wanderer."

He looks at me again, doesn't say anything for a while. "I understand if you don't want to talk to me. But know this," he says and leans a little forward. "You're the one that kept me going all along, okay? And I love you so very much, and I'm so terribly sorry for hurting you like this."

He stands up then, and walks quietly towards the door.

"Are you leaving me again?" I say, forcing my voice to be steady, and he stops.

"I'll be back," he says and then he is out the door.

**Ian's POV**

"Ian," Jared says as soon as I'm outside again. "The soul you brought back... I don't want you to..."

"What?" I say, still walking.

"He's awake. And Reader says he knows him from the past, I don't know..."

"So it's true?" I ask, though I don't really care anymore.

"He's not a seeker, if that's what you mean. At least that's what Reader says, but it takes a lot more than that to trust him. But please don't look for him."

"I'm not gonna look for him, I'm staying with Wanda."

He walks next to me for a while, not saying anything. "Is she okay?"

I stop abruptly. "No. She hates me."

"She doesn't hate-"

"She does, and it's so clear. I hurt her, Jared, I really hurt her," I say. I feel so terrible, and when I saw her there in our room, she looked so _sick_. She was so pale, her eyes were swollen and all I could think was that it was my fault.

"Yeah, you did," Jared says and crosses his arms. He's so mad at me. The first thing he did when he saw me was yelling at me, but I didn't really have time for him. Nor do I have time for him right now. I need to stay with Wanda.

"How long is it since she last ate, slept, did anything?" I ask and start walking again.

"Almost a week," Jared mutters behind me and I turn around again.

"You haven't-?"

"She refused."

They might all be angry with me, but right now_ I_ am angry. She could've died. A couple more days and she would've died.

I walk straight towards the kitchen, avoiding the people that tries to stop me as I walk past them.

"Ian?" Someone says, and I don't even look at him. I'm not leaving Wanda. I'm staying with her. I'm going to make it all better.

When I walk into the dining hall, everything turns quiet, and the few people in there have stopped eating and is now staring at me.

"I'm just gonna..." I mumble and take two plates of pancakes, a couple of cups and a mug of water, and walk away from the kitchen again as fast as I can. I can't stand all these eyes staring, like I'm a ghost. Being a ghost would've made the same difference anyway.

When I get back to our room, Wanda is still sitting on the bedside. She hasn't moved an inch.

"I brought us some food," I say and walk over to her, carefully placing the plate on her lap. "Jared said that..." I stop myself. Of course she knows herself. She has been in here for almost a week now, not eating, not talking. I've only seen her like this once, and I hated Jeb for letting her see what was going on at Doc's, for making her feel this way. "Please eat," I finally say. "I'm going to stay here with you now, okay? And I'm going to fix this. I'll fix you."

"Promise you'll stay," she says.

Carefully, I lay my hand over hers, squeezing it softly. "I promise."


End file.
